Happy New Year!
I saw the Jim Carey movie “Yes Man” the other day, and while the film was just ok, I LOVE the philosophy behind the premise: looking at places where we say No in life, and converting that into Yes!
Keith Johnstone, an improvisation guru says: When we say No, we are rewarded with safety and security; when we say Yes, we are rewarded by growth and adventure. Clearly, there are times when No is appropriate, and times where Yes is a no-brainer. The opportunity is in the great mushy middle…
To what would you like to say Yes! in 2009?
In what areas of life would you like More of something that’s already working?
Sure, envision what it would be like to Have More of this, AND…. envision yourself Doing and Living More in a way that makes that possible, with joy and enthusiasm for whatever happens.
As an improviser & clown, I’ve learned that “commitment” means saying Yes without knowing the outcome. Its necessary to commit fully, to jump in 100% — not recklessly, but Yes in the face of uncertainty and perhaps fear.
Silly? Perhaps. But financial investments require a commitment without knowing the outcome. And advertising and coaching. And love. And all of life, really. Events always turn out different than we envision or plan. With full commitment, we have a shot at things being even better than we had imagined. Or we can play the game to mitigate risk, and also perhaps never “arrive”.
No-saying is often (but not always) motivated by fear.
If you want to go a bit deeper, try just noticing the emotions that come with your decisions to say No. What do you notice? Patterns or preferences? When your mind starts to try to understand Why, just go back to the noticing your emotional state as decisions get made, and during conversations, including talking to yourself.
What’s there? Can you feel it in your body? Yikes! Now what?
This is the trail-head of a meditative practice, if you choose to walk it, of saying Yes to one’s own emotional discomforts, self-judgements, and critical voices. “Everyone carries a shadow,” Jung wrote, “and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” Saying Yes to discomfort (without trying to fix or change it) is a deep practice of “being with” — accepting what’s here & now, which can include feeling bad.
Keep breathing. Try to release any body tensions that seem to be triggered by difficult emotions or memories or thoughts. Just notice, without fixing. “Be with” what’s here & now. It can be helpful to have the support of a therapist or coach or yoga teacher with this kind of inquiry.
On the brighter side, Jung also believed that “in spite of its function as a reservoir for human darkness—or perhaps because of this—the shadow is the seat of creativity”. So cultivating more access to and acceptance of our shadow materials can be useful and dynamic work.
I offer these thoughts in the spirit of generating new choices in the new year, alternatives to established patterns. Some patterns are worth keeping, others may be ripe for revolution. Only you can say.
More than changing our decision-making, I think the opportunity is in how we focus our attention. Every No, means a Yes to its opposite. So we’re actually saying both No and Yes, all the time, at the same time. The two are twins. Sure, say No… and spend more energy asking: with that No….
To what am I saying Yes?
As for me, I’m saying Yes! in 2009 to living more open and vulnerable. Yes to taking more risks. And Yes to advertising, coaching, and performing. And Yes to Love, always. And Yes to cleaning out my refrigerator.
If I can help in any of these areas, drop a line and let’s discuss.
Wishing you courage, warmth, and joy, in your journey…